Bad Dreams...

It was a lazy sunday, a bit sunny, woke up from bed, strecthed a bit. Changed into something as if we were going somewhere classy( i don't know why...). Took the tricycle to the main road, took a jeep to her streets corner. I walked past the usual market, thinking about years past, where i would wait for her to walk 2 blocks and meet her before going to school. Finally got to her house, rang the doorbell, but still not working. She came out to open the door. I walked past their dogs, but this time one was missing. Everything was still the same, the gate, the softdrink crates, the empty aquarium, the garden, even that aluminum screen door. I felt comfortable knowing nothing much has changed. She hurried to sit at the sofa, she was watching an art film. I sat close to her, bent over and told her "welcome back, i miss you". We talked like before, where we would throw each other names, and argue endlessly over something silly. Suddenly she stands up and slaps me hard, and says "didn't i tell you we're over? so stop daydreaming. And whats that "i miss you thing for!?". I was stunned, but somehow i didn't react as if i was expecting it, then she grabs a tiny cigar and lights it up. "Its so hot here, and whats taking them so long?" she said. She went up and started taking a bath. I browsed thru the channels, somewhat my hands keep trembling as in im scared of something thats going to happen. I hear steps of someone going down the flight of stairs, i went to take a look, it was his little brother. Seconds later i see her a bit irritated, "where's my shoes!? my big sister took it going to church?". I took a closer look at her, she had brown contact lens put on, her hair as usual wet messed a bit, her face a shade darker than the last time i saw her. She finishes her cigar and puts it on the ash tray, and started to prepare her things. I sat down the chair and stared at the cigar, suprised that she was already smoking. I asked her "since when did you start smoking? don't you know its bad for you? "Since when did you care? all you give me is crap and all that shit, stop talking like you know everything" she replied. I was quiet, wanting to say somthing but i can't, i have the right words to argue with her, but my mouth won't move. Then i recieve a text, " we're here outside already". We went out, i opened the door for her, but she slams it shut after getting in. The car started moving, everyone was asking her questions, i wanted to ask her some questions and join in but i thought i can ask them later. The topic suddenly shifted to me. They were talking about me hanging on for so long, hanging on when i know she already has a boyfriend abroad. Then i hear a voice saying "Its him and his students. He believes so much in them hoping one would return, and look at the results, it just made scouting worst". We parked and got off at moomba's. We looked for a couch, and settled down. As we we're ordering, i saw two among our group was making out. Its the same people but something has changed. It seems like everyone was already succesfull. I started thinking if this is what success makes out of people. We talked had a few cocktails. I tried to look, trying to see whats different. Everyone changed from being nice people to these people i no longer know.

Girl #1 changed from being rooted to chinese to hating her family. She's now successful but blames her mother for her current boyfriend. She hated the time when she was always judged by what her mom would think her dates.

Girl #2 still naive and still innocent was now hooked with an old time friend back in highschool, but this time she was having a hard time struggling with her relationship and work. She was wearing a long sleeved polo shirt, but i saw a mark in her wrist, the kind you get when attempting to commit suicide.

Girl#3 had serious relationships with her boss'. She kept talking even if people we're no longer interested. All i hear from her is her guys and her sex life.

Girl#4 still one of the boys, came back from the states, nothing much with her changed.

Boy#1 still feeling like most gurls like him, talks too much about himself and brags how he can get any girl he likes.

Boy#2 still sarcastic, still happy, but you can see he has lost some of that now, he separated from his parents due to conflicts of interests

Boy#3 now managing a bigger network, still a little bit naive, and still single, hated girls due to some bad experience

Towards the end of the conversation i knew that, one of the guys no longer joined us because of the recent breakup. And we would still meet up when it comes to LAN games.

From that point i was very confused, then i heard that after dinner we would go visit 2 of our friends...

We drove to a funeral parlor, both were on two different rooms... I took a closer look to see their faces, also trying to see if this is all real. There he was, just a little older. I cried because he never got to see his dream, he was always busy with his work trying to improve his family's living. I walked over to the other room. I saw his name, and remembered all those days in high school just wasting time talking to people telling the same old jokes over and over again. Its been a long time since i talked to him and seeing him in his current state makes me guilty for not being there often. I bent over to see his face and remember some of the good times, but someone's face just kept on popping in. The person who he loved before wasn't there. Then i saw her face talking to the rest of the gang feeling no remorse of what happened. It was during one evening when both guys decided to go ahead because each had work the next day, and partially because he saw his gurl come to the party with another guy making out. They met a car accident afterwards and its our first time to visit them since the accident happaned. It grieved me because it was already the last day before they are to be buried.

We went home. The next day i prepared myself for work. As i went through my usual routine commuting towards work, my head was still filled with the events that happened trying to understand why. I turned on my discman and started to listen to some old music about how life is. As i was crossing a bus hit me trying to beat the red light. I was thrown to the side of the avenue. People hurried over, i felt relieved that i might still get a chance hospital. Then when they reached me they hurried over for my wallet and my valuables. I lay there helpless feeling each and every part of my body aching, but i still kept thinking about my life. Is this how it would end? I layed there for what seems to be hours until slowly everything turned black. Even though i can't see anything, my mind kept on thinking about my family, about her, my friends, and my students, wishing i could do something, wishing i could correct all my mistakes during the time i was alive. Then even my mind was blank, i can no longer think of anything, i can't remember anything, and the pain became worst that it seemed like hours... I started to panic and told me self its only a dream wake up, i tried everything, but i lay there injured in my dream.

Finally my mom woke me up from my sleep. My cellphone was still beeping. I woke up sweating all around. My body unusually warm and my heart beat real fast. Even now i can still remember that dream, it was so real that even now im scared to even sleep again....